Procedure XK-T1

Item #: SCP-17127

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-17127 (henceforth referred to as "Lavoroxan", per SCP's request) is, due to a past of good behavior, and subject willingness to co-operate with server personnel, to be allowed to roam freely until ca. 22:00, where it must report to the currently acting Chief Executive of the Server for containment. Under no circumstance must Lavoroxan be allowed access to the Danish special cuisine composed the following ingredients in any way without supervision by at least two authorized personnel (henceforth referred to as "Temporary Wranglers"): a. flour, b. butter, c.egg(s), d. sugar (commonly known as "Kammerjunkere"). On occasions of disobedience or repeated, increasingly esoteric parolades all available personnel must observe Procedure XK-T1.

Description: Lavoroxan a standard-issue piece of Ukrainian buildiing material roughly one meter long, twenty meters wide and two centimeters thick. Due to unknown reasons, Lavoroxan is capable of advanced thought known only to be the ken of individuals with a very high Intelligence Quotient ("IQ") and, as such, his awareness outclasses any human comprehension. Lavoroxan has been observed to be able to levitate (referred to by subject as "Flexing"), defy conventional laws of physics, multiply and travel through time.

Procedure XK-T1
All available personnel must report to the acting Chief Executive of the Server for immediate commencation of containment. Gas masks, kevlar vests and fully automatic M4A1 (as procured from the government of Saudi Arabia) will be distributed and emergency Hezbollah cells will be awoken via radio.

Lavoroxan has been observed to exude extremely high tendencies to not give a fuck, the ability to "sling" its body into hard objects at a record speed of 17 km/h with no documented damage, and posses the ability to create temporary rifts in the space-time continuum (referred to as "Big Meme"). As such, extreme care must be taken and the present individual with the high diplomacy and/or charisma stat shall speak with the agitated plank first. Should this fail then, knowing full well that Lavoroxan to-date appears to be immortal, all units will fire to injure and destroy subject until it can be safely recovered and re-contained.

In a worst case scenario, wherein the firing squad perishes/ceases to exist, the revered shaman "Necrosence" must be contacted and bribed a value of minimum 190 million indian rupees in order to deal with the plank vengeful entity. Necrosence has had a history of wrangling the plank, and seems to be the only mortal being capable of manipulating Lavoroxan.